in our church small group, we’ve been talking the past few weeks about how everyone in our group seems to be living in some kind of “gap”–waiting on God, trusting in God, hoping in God for jobs, finances, life decisions.
one of the guys told us how canaan, God’s promised land to his people, was fertile, but had no river, which made it completely dependent on rain for its fertility–for the israelites to live there, they would always be dependent and waiting on God for their needs.
but God led them there. he meant for them to be constantly dependent, never having-made-it.
for me, i know that there have been so many times in my life where i thought “if only ___ happens, then everything will be great” (implied: forever). but another gap emerges, and i’m left trusting again.
i’m starting to learn that there will never be this mythical time when i won’t need to trust God for everything.
i’m still praying hard for a job for bryan. his degree is in music ministry, but we’re in a church (we love, love, love) where not even the pastor is paid full-time. that is confusing–what does God have for us? where is he supposed to work? are we supposed to stay in this city?
right now we have the luxury of time–there’s no urgency in our waiting, we’re tight with our money and should be able to make it ok with another baby.
but we know that this situation isn’t going to work forever, with bryan working nights, part-time; not if we want to grow our family even more in the next five years. he’s pursued a few avenues and will pursue more the next year; what we’re struggling with is should all his applications be here or should they be elsewhere too. should he send out to every possibility or plan on staying?
bryan likes to say it feels more like we’re building roots here, not wings; my first thought, as nomadic as we’ve been the past five years, is if there aren’t any doors in this city, there are plenty more cities to pick from in the world.
i’m praying God will give us wisdom and make it clear to us in the next year or so what we need to do, what’s best for our girls. i love the life that we’ve developed here in just a short year–but i also trust that if God wants us to move, he’ll have something special for us wherever we go.